Police in a Maine town had “absolutely nothing” to do on Thursday, and of course it made them a bit suspicious.
“Absolutely nothing happened last night in Clinton,” The Clinton Police Department wrote in a humorous “press release” Friday morning.
“In a shocking turn of events, no one broke into anything, no one ran from us, no one left their license plate at the scene of a crime,” police said. “No foot chases, no petty theft, no one called to report a raccoon impersonating a burglar. Not even a single ‘I swear I only had two beers, officer’. Were as confused as you are.”
Police said they double-checked and confirmed with dispatch twice.
“Even Chad, our frequent flyer, stayed home. We. Are. Stunned,” police said. “Naturally, this raises suspicion. Are you all…behaving?”
Officers with no criminals to chase or detain or investigate had to find other ways to spend their shifts.
“So what did we do all night? Waved at squirrels, and spent 45 minutes watching a moth try to escape the station lobby. Our Detective Sergeant started organizing his desk alphabetically. Someone suggested cleaning. We were one slow hour away from forming a cruiser kazoo band,” police said, noting that it felt “like the whole town is in witness protection.”
“Clinton, whatever you did…thanks for doing absolutely nothing. Lets do it again sometime. Maybe always,” police said. “Give us a shout if you need us.”
