Dear Bright Side,
I’m a retired teacher and a widow. I have a son, who is married, and from them, I have a grandson, whom I absolutely adore.
My DIL hired a nanny to help with my grandkid while she and my son worked long hours. They claimed, “She’s the perfect nanny ever.” But I soon noticed that something was off. I often visited and had a key to their home, given to me by my son.
Usually, I called and informed them whenever I was planning to come over. One day, I decided to do a surprise check. I walked in to find my 2-year-old grandson playing, alone, near the top of the stairs. My blood boiled when I found the nanny, who they liked so much, fast asleep on the couch, with the TV blaring loudly.
Meanwhile, my grandson was roaming around with a full diaper and a messy face. I fired her on the spot, and she left in a huff.
In the evening, when my son and DIL came home, they were fuming. My DIL accused me of interfering in her household and told me that I had no right to fire someone they had hired. They even demanded the house key back and told me I wasn’t welcome to come over without informing them beforehand.
To top it, they also hired the same nanny back, refusing to listen to my explanation. I went home, my heart heavy.
It’s been a week, and I haven’t reached out to them, but neither have they. I just don’t know what I did wrong, and how do I fix it? I miss my grandson. Can you please advise me what to do now?
We can see you acted out of genuine concern. Leaving a toddler unsupervised near the stairs constitutes a major safety hazard. The fact that you found the nanny asleep while her charge was roaming around, alone, in a shabby state shows that she wasn’t up to taking care of him responsibly.
First up, they gave you the key in good faith and expected you to inform them about a visit. Your surprise visit could have felt invasive to them, as if you were checking up on them rather than the nanny. Since they vouched for the nanny, it could be that your discovery not only embarrassed them, but also undermined their authority as parents.
Waiting for them to call might just prolong the situation, so be the adult and make the first move. This will show them that you prioritize the relationship, not emphasize how you were right. If a verbal conversation seems too much for you to handle, perhaps you can send them a message, beginning with you expressing your love for them.
When they respond, try and keep the conversation limited to how to move forward, rather than trying to prove that you were right. You know you were right, but the idea is to reestablish contact with your family, not to prolong the argument.
It may be a bitter pill to swallow, but remember that your entry into their home is not a given, and you do need to respect whatever new boundaries they set, be it limited contact or prior information before you drop in.
